It’s time. I’ve been smoking for almost 14 years, and even I have to admit – it’s time. I started yesterday by trying to get myself on a schedule. The idea being, I would prevent myself from smoking “for no good reason”. Granted, there is no “good reason” to smoke, but after so many years it’s better to say I’m smoking because it’s been exactly X-number of hours rather than not even noticing I’ve gone through more than a pack a day.
So…for yesterday it was once every couple of hours at most, though I didn’t start the plan ‘till after 6 PM or so. Today, it was the same. There were a couple of stretches early afternoon (I didn’t get up ‘till noon) that didn’t look too promising, but I was alright. I slipped a little late this evening, but I had half-a-dozen beers between dinner and the fireworks (next post for more on that) and everyone smokes more when they’ve been drinking. Hell, most of my non-smoking friends have been known to take at least a drag after a night of drinking. It’s just harder, ya know? So…here I sit at 10:55, having been up for 11 hours and having smoked 7 times. It’s really only 6 against me – there was one that I didn’t even want but it was an excuse to walk away from a bad situation – but I guess I have to count it. I’ll try to go for only one more before bed, if any, and tomorrow I’m gonna get some Nicorette. I hear they have new flavors since last I bought the stuff.
All messages/wishes of encouragement are welcome. I’m trying to be open about this so that the shame of failure goes beyond my own mind.